Today was not my usual Tuesday. I woke up feeling unwell {for the 3rd day in a row} and all three children were hacking, sneezing, with runny noses. We decided to keep them home and have a pijama day {I may have done that yesterday with Stella too}. The kids had a great day, playing, snuggling on the sofa watching movies {their current fav is How to Train a Dragon}. Mike got out the easel for Livi and she spent some time painting {Stella may or may not have sabotaged her painting when she wasn’t looking}. I caught a sweet shot of Mike helping her.

don't they look alike?

I spent a lot of time organising our office *aka* my disaster of craft supplies. Mike was sooo pleased and it did feel good to tackle it, 4 months later…. All was going well until I checked an e-mail. We work with young people, in a church, and this past week one of those young people made a really important and exciting decision. She had spoken to me about meeting up and I was really looking forward to it. I had sent out an e-mail to the staff letting them know, and I received two replies that someone else on the team was already taking care of it. I felt thwarted. It’s really so ridiculous, I should be happy that someone has already met with girl, that she’s being cared for! But I immediately felt unneeded, replaced. Why does it bother me so much?

I think it surfaced this need I have to be doing something outside of mothering and homemaking that is significant. I’m in this constant tug of war with my commitment to be a full-time stay-at-home Mom, and with wanting to be needed outside of all of that, to have some sort of “role”. Working on our staff team fulfills some of that, but today I was left questioning whether that is healthy for me right now. Why shouldn’t my best efforts be put towards raising my three little angels?

the three angels

That being said i know I need space to have an   identity that does not only revolve around these 3. I am on my own journey of growing and learning too. I need to take time for myself to recharge, refresh, all those good “re” things. Perhaps what I don’t need to do is be the best at everything, perhaps I don’t need to keep looking for approval and significance by doing. I read this blog post last week and it really struck me,  I may even have shed a tear or two. Read it, I think you’ll like it too.

So instead of looking at everything in life as a  competition, something to prove I’m the best {or even  pretty good}, my goal is to stop comparing and start  twirling {read the blog post noted above, you’ll  understand}. xx

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s