Today I pulled the closest thing to a sick day I’ve had probably since before kids. I actually dozed on the sofa in the morning, I know right? Remember what it was like being sick before kids were involved? Staying in bed all day, or lying on the sofa, watching movies while drinking sprite and eating soda crackers. If I tried to do that now I’d have to watch Barbie and Stella would eat all my snacks! Being sick as a mother is a totally different animal. Even if I’m unwell kids still need to be picked up from school, the kitchen still needs to be cleaned, dinner still needs to be made (although ‘dinner’ was hardly worthy of any awards tonight – pancakes and eggs and fruit, the kids were thrilled, ha!).
With the feeling of being unwell physically today came a heavy spirit. I have a lot on my mind these days and sometimes it gets the better of me. I was reading this blog today, one of my favs, and I was so struck by it’s relevance to our current situation.
“So, what are we to do when the right choice interrupts the placid lives of our littles? How do we frame it for them? Should we take these things into consideration? Should their momentary sadness or anxiety change the plan? Are we destined to fall asleep at night with a brick of regret on our chests?” (excerpt from above-mentioned blog post)
I’ve been carrying around this notion that sure this move is going to be difficult for our kids, of course it is, but they’re adaptable, they’ll be fine! But what if letting go of ‘things’, and friends, and their life here is harder for them than I’ve anticipated? Stella asks me weekly if we’re going to take her bed with us, and up until now the answer has always been yes, but some recent changes mean that I really don’t know if we’re going to be able to take her bed. It’s not a big deal really, a bed is a bed right? But I can’t help but feel that it’s only the tip of the iceberg, as far as things my children are going to have to let go of in the next few months. I only hope I will have the wisdom to explain, to comfort, to lead them in a way that is best for them.
I really want all the uncertainties and impending changes that surround us these days to ’cause us to fix our focus upon God and his provision. I often fool myself into thinking I am in charge of my own path. One thing I’ve learned over the past 6 months is that I.can’t.control.anything. Some days, like today, I worry and try and make a plan, other days I let go and rest. That’s what I want for my kids too. To rest, to be comforted knowing that God holds us all.