When I stop and think about it, so much of what I do is dictated by this one emotion.
Whether it’s fear of failure, fear of rejection, or fear of the unknown, it’s there, trying to control me. If I let it. It’s not new to me that I struggle with fear, it’s never far from the surface. What is new, is this desire to get past it, for reals this time.
“Do one thing every day that scares you”, has become a mantra for me. And it’s pretty easy to do, since so many things scare me!
Perhaps it’s because so much of what I’ve experienced this past year has been new to me, and because everything has been so out of my control, that I’ve been in a type of hibernation mode. I’ve been focused on making it from one day to the next. Doing the things that I know need to be done. Meals, school, homework, baths, hugs, stories, snacks, laundry, sleep, and repeat. Maybe I’ve been hiding behind these tasks. You see I’m task driven by nature and enjoy the feeling of a task checked off my list. I’m comfortable there, in my little checklist happy place. And these tasks aren’t scary, and so I focus on them, and sometimes hide behind them.
What scares me are the people outside my little world, outside of the tasks that fill my days.
Nothing could be more terrifying for me than a group of moms at my children’s school.
I’m not going to try and answer the question of why I’m so afraid, but I do want to start thinking about how. How to move forward. How to push through the fear. Those moms are just people. They have their own bucket of fears too.
What if I stopped being afraid of them and started caring about them? Could that be a step toward kicking this fear thing to the curb? Would that courage be infectious to other areas in my life?
I guess we’ll have to see, but can I start tomorrow?