old friends

Don’t you just love an old friend?

Someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway? Someone who knows the why behind your weird quirks? Someone who knows that the first thing you’ll do after running a half-marathon is go get donuts?

I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve moved a lot in the past 15Β  17 (I always seem to forget how old I am) years since High School, but I have those kinds of friends scattered all over the world. Every time I’ve had to say the big good-bye to one of them my heart has broken a little. I’ve felt a bit lost without them, and wondered if I’ll ever feel known like that by someone again. Is 34 too old to make a friend that knows me and loves me like the ‘old’ ones? I’ve long since given up the childish dream that me and my besties will all live on the same street, next door to each other, raising our babies together. But a part of me still wishes that could be true. Instead I e-mail, skype, text and facebook those lovely friends. Giving and getting glimpses into each others lives.

I think I’m feeling a bit sentimental today since in 2 days I get to see one of my dearest friends! She now lives only a 5 hour drive away, and I don’t see her nearly enough. I think I’m also keenly aware of these friendships because they are hard to come by after a move. I find myself in a closely knit community. Which is great, for a lot of reasons. But it’s also a tough place to ‘break into’. Especially if you’ve got (self-diagnosed) social anxiety!

Instead of bemoaning the fact that I have very few friends here who I’m not related to, I’m choosing to be thankful. For the friends who are scattered all over the world, who have made my life richer and contributed to the person I am today. I’m also going to move forward, and anticipate that good friendships will come.

I’ve made friends before, I should be able to do it again right???

Jx

 

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